Assumptions in a Lonely World

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I thanked someone for taking the time to always make me feel welcome in a world where I often felt lonely surrounded by people. I don’t think she understood the depth of that simple thank you.

I’m not sure why. I think it has something to do with my sharp and witty personality. Okay, don’t go and start thinking I’m being boastful. It’s time you know, not everyone appreciates or even understand cutting sarcasm. However, I’ve found it quite effective in masking my true emotions and my true nature.

Since thanking that person I have came to assume that most people assume (see how bad assumptions can be? Especially multiple assumptions!) that introverts are quite, painfully shy, and rarely speak out in social situations.

I don’t think that’s the case at all. I think there are plenty of introverts that are actually the life of the party (Keep in mind, I am most certainly not one of those introverts!).

I’m very lucky…Not only am I an introvert, I am married to one as well. Or perhaps he’s just anti social….nah…I jest! He can hold his own in most social situations, but I think he much prefers his own company, even to my own.

My point being, he doesn’t get too upset (or at least he doesn’t tell me) if I go upstairs an hour before bed…or even the entire evening. He doesn’t feel the need to fill up the minutes that turn into hours with mindless chatter.

The problem with being an introvert isn’t figuring out how to act in public. After all, we were taught the same manners as everyone else. We went to the same schools. We often have jobs (some are even paying jobs!). We often deal with the public on a daily basis. The problem is dealing with stress of keeping up with the public persona. We all have them you know. We’re rarely the same in private as we are in the public eye.

For me it’s the knowing that in a small way I want to be somewhere with people but knowing that once I’m actually there I won’t be 100% at ease with myself. I won’t be able to relax 100%. I won’t be able to shut down my mind that is always watching and wondering if people are judging me or wondering what those people are really thinking about. Are some people really that at ease and so confident with themselves? It’s knowing that at the end of the day, no matter how much I am enjoying myself, or how long I looked forward to it, the truth is, I would much rather be at home with my spiders, or a good book…

So that means that the sad reality is I would rather just stay at home in the first place…and if I plan an outing days or weeks in advance I often dread it as much as I look forward to it.

The only time that doesn’t happen is if it’s a day out with my husband. Of course, that’s because with him I never feel the need to be witty or charming. We all know that’s because it just comes naturally (See! That’s that witty and cutting sarcasm right there!)

I don’t think non introverts understand what a blessing and curse social media can be. I mean, look at me! If not for a little, often unused, blog such as this, I wouldn’t be able to voice my random thoughts like this. Instead they would just be forever bouncing about in me head. We can connect with people whilst still in the safety of our own home. We don’t have the build up and the stress of knowing we’ll be with actual people. It’s a wonderful thing. We can get to know people and charm them with our wit and humour before we actually have to do that in person.

However, it will, in time, prevent us from much-needed alone time. We will battle often with shutting down accounts and going off grid, if only for a few weeks. Or even days. We will have to deal with people making the assumptions that we deactivate accounts because something awful has happened in our life. Or that we are seeking attention. Or many other numerous things that have actually nothing to do with the reality of just wanting to withdraw. Of giving our minds a much-needed break. Of giving a rest to our anxieties.

I don’t think anyone can understand how PM’s can stress you out. Text messages that go on and on are the same. You don’t want to offend people, however you don’t want that connection all the time. How multiple tags can have you dreading signing on. It doesn’t matter if it’s Facebook, Instagram or any of the other countless Social Media sites there are. How you go quite on the web and then someone asks you what’s wrong. There are times you just want to go on there and sit in a quite corner and watch the web go by. You don’t always want to participate in it! How the pressure can be just as bad as actually being in a public setting. It starts to become a job, but a job without a break time. Having said all of that, I suppose that it can be a blessing and a curse for just about everyone, introvert or not!

I know many of you are reading this and thinking, Hmmmmmm….Drama much!

Honestly, just give me a cup of coffee and a day spent in solitude listening to an audiobook and feeding/photographing my spiders and I couldn’t be happier. I understand that would drive some people mental. But for me it’s much more relaxing than going out for an evening meal with friends, or having a chinwag over a cuppa, or even going to the local for a pint with my mates…

The point of all these ramblings?

Who said there was a fucking point….that’s why they are just ramblings…

Lesson to be learnt? Don’t ever underestimate how much simple kindness means to someone who is a lonely introvert surrounded by people in a social world…