Saying Goodbye….

meI had a wonderful day at work today. The type of day where I felt I made a difference. Even if that difference only meant that I made someone laugh or helped them by some small act of kindness. I believe that small acts of kindness really can make a difference….naively, I thought that applied to the person that received them….but today, after a very long day, I realize that they often apply even more so to those that give them….today I was too busy to dwell on much of anything except getting though my day at the shop….and at the end of the day, instead of feeling exhausted, I felt energized…I was too busy trying to help others to focus on my own negative thoughts….See, I spent way too long last night stressing about things that really weren’t in my power to change….I made some hard decisions that made me feel like crap…I ended friendships that I valued…

At the end of the day though, sometimes you don’t really have a choice though do you? I have some of the best friends in the entire world….just so happens that many of them are online…Online friendships can be so strange sometimes though, can’t they? You can put your heart into them and really, just like in real life, the person on the receiving end can be someone that isn’t really vested in the friendship. However, does that change anything for you? Does it make your feelings less genuine? Your caring less valid?

So as I sit and ponder this, I suddenly realize that I can’t really spend so much time and energy on things that I can’t change….It’s not a difference of opinion that bothers me…I accept that….I can see both sides of an issue…how else can we have strong convictions if we aren’t also aware of the opposing side? What I can’t accept is very strong belief of “I am right and you are wrong and there is no middle ground.” What I can’t tolerate is acceptance and encouragement of cyber bullying. Especially since that is where all of this started in the first place….

I don’t mean to be cryptic. I’m not trying to be passive aggressive. I’m not even trying to justify cutting people out of my life….I’m just trying to do my thing and experimenting with sharing my feelings via my blog. For so many years….I’ve kept that all bottled up….and now I think it’s better to give it all a voice and then let it go and move on….if it’s bottled up inside me then I have no choice but to revisit it daily until it brings me down….

Finally it all boils down to this…..

Should I try to overlook certain things and pretend I haven’t seen them? Should I continue on as if nothing has happened? Should I continue to have ideas repeated to me over and over whilst they dismiss my ideas as invalid before I can even speak them? Should I, indeed be passive aggressive in my feelings and remain silent about something I morally disagree with just to remain friends with someone who doesn’t value my thoughts? People that would rather have me silent then voice a disagreement? Especially when I feel that they would take it a personal attack even though it couldn’t be further from….

Then I realize…plain as day…

I only need to look at someone’s past behavior and how I’ve been treated in the past to stand firm in my belief that I don’t need this in my future…..my life has never been happier….why not continue to move forward instead of focusing on the past?

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